Life Sucks When You're Me
by Kidea
Summary: ANZU BASHING! Lots of it! Four weeks in her life where The Hand of God, characters from other animes and all the Yugioh characters are out to get her! There is character bashing! AnzuTea to be exact so don't read it or flame me if you like her.
1. They're Gay

Kidea: This is pure Anzu bashing! Four weeks in Anzu's life where everything goes wrong! She will die a lot but God brings her back and makes it worse. Let us begin! chants Die Anzu die, die Anzu die! Oh and this fic is really random…The Hand of God makes many appearances. Oh and the POV changes.

Yami: Kidea does not own Yugioh…much to her dismay.

**LIFE'S MISERABLE WHEN YOU'RE ME.**

**THEY'RE GAY**

Anzu walked up the street to the Kame Game Shop. She had been in the area and decided she needed to see Yami…well actually she had just decided to come and see him, even if her house was practically on the other side of town. She walked into the store and smiled as the bell above the door gave a familiar jingle. Yugi's grandpa was behind the counter and she walked up.

"Hello Mr. Motou. Is Yami in?" She asked spreading a sickly sweet smile. Grandpa nodded and pointed up stairs.

"He's with Yugi in his room." He said and he was distracted by a ten-year-old boy wanting duel monster cards.

"Thanks Mr. Motou." Anzu chirped and walked upstairs into the house. She pondered whether they were in Yami's room or Yugi's room. She walked up another set of stairs and heard giggling from Yami's room.

_They must be in there._ She thought to herself and she opened the door.

"Hey Ya-!" She stopped herself when she saw Yugi snaking his arms around her Yami and her Yami with his tongue down Yugi's throat. Yugi lept off his dark when he heard Anzu enter and turned bright pink.

"Can we help you Anzu?" Yami asked casually.

"Uh yeah. What the fuck!" The brunette screeched.

"What? Everyone knows about me and Yami."

"It's your own fault for being blinded by your infatuation with me." Yami said sitting on his bed and pulling Yugi into his lap.

"Is everyone I know gay!" Anzu cried and brought her hands to her face.

"Yep." The hikari and yami said in unison and Yugi resumed feeling Yami up and the older boy smirked and began attacking his hikari's throat. The girl screamed and ran out of the house, not looking where she was going she ran onto a six lane highway and was hit be a petrol truck that exploded upon impact.

Kidea: Ok so this didn't have too much Anzu bashing but I promise there will be a lot of really random deaths to Anzu in chapters to come. Next up is Seto Kaiba.


	2. Illtempered Mutated Sea Bass

Kidea: Ok it's Seto's turn to make Anzu's life miserable. Oh be warned, slight OOC and Austin Powers rip offs. Hope you enjoy. Oh and an apology to any Anzu fans out there.

LIFE SUCKS WHEN YOU'RE ME 

**ILL-TEMPERED, MUTATED SEA BASS**

Three years after his defeat to Yami in battle city Seto Kaiba was cryogenically frozen. Many years later he has been reanimated so that he can destroy the pharaoh. After much careful planning his plans were foiled when they dressed Anzu up as Yami so she could take his place. Seto stood in front of the holding cell looking pissed off.

"Stupid girl. Oh well, we can kill her instead. Mokuba! Open the tank!" The older boy ordered, "My sharks will have their first meal tonight!"

"Uh…big brother." An older Mokuba said timidly.

"What, what is it?" Seto snapped glaring at his brother. He looked a lot different and he was almost taller than Seto right now.

_Stupid growth spurt…and why the hell did he cut his hair!_ The brunette thought eyeing his brother.

"Well…um…when you were frozen, sharks were put on the endangered species list. We could have got some but it would have taken years to clean up the red tape." The raven-haired boy said simply and looked over to the tank.

"Well…what do we have?"

"Sea bass." Mokuba said defiantly.

"Sea bass…rriiight." Seto said sarcastically.

"They are mutated Sea bass."

"Hmm…are they ill-tempered?" The older one asked quirking an eyebrow at his brother.

"Certainly." The younger boy chirped.

"Well it's a start. Put her in the tank!" He barked out his orders and he smirked to himself as Anzu was dragged off kicking and screaming. Jou walked in and watched Anzu be tied upside down above the tank and slowly dunked in. He raised an eyebrow when the doors began to close.

"What your not gonna watch her die?" He asked Seto who had moved to sit down in his large black leather chair.

"Of course not. I'm just going to close the doors and assume it all goes to plan." The brunette said and leaned back and picked up his now naked cat. There had been a few complications in the unfreezing process and the cat had lost all it's fur.

"Dude, I have a gun, in my room. You give me ten seconds I'll go get it, come back and boom! I'll blow her brains out." Jou said getting slightly hot headed.

"Watch puppy." Seto smirked and pressed a button and a screen came down from the roof and it flickered to life with the image of a screaming Anzu crying out for Yami to come and save her.

"Cool." Mokuba said and sat down in a chair next to his brother.

"I'm sorry I underestimated you." The blonde said sullenly and leaned against the wall to watch the show. Anzu was lowered into the pool of ill-tempered mutated sea bass and there was a crunching and ripping sound and she was lifted from the tank without her head.

"Very nice." Seto Kaiba smirked and flicked off the screen, "Puppy, I want you to call her friends and inform them of her death." He finished and continued stroking Mr. Bigglesworth.

"Ok then." Jou said and left the room to call Yami and Yugi. The phone rang twice and Yami picked up.

"Hello, Motou residence. Yami speaking."

"Hey Yami-kun, it's Jou."

"Hey give me a sec, I'll put it on speaker phone. Everyone's here." There was a slight click and everything sounded more distant and noisy.

"Hey everyone!" Jounichi called and everyone said hello back.

"What did you want Jou-kun?" Yugi's voice came through the earpiece.

"It's Anzu. She's been decapitated by an I'll-tempered mutated sea bass." He said simply. There was slight silence before Bakura's voice broke it.

"Fuck yeah!" He sounded rather happy.

"Is that all. That's cool. We'll see you tomorrow Jou." Honda said and the sounds of a game started up again.

"If that's it we'll see you tomorrow Jou-kun." Yugi chirped and there was a click and they hung up. Jou took the phone from his ear and hung it on the receiver.

"I knew the wouldn't care."

Kidea: So there you go. Chapter two! I had to use the ill-tempered mutated sea bass because I think it's really funny. The Hand of God makes it's first appearance in the next chapter.


	3. Smushed

Kidea: Yay it's time for chapter three! Bring on The Hand of God! Woot 95 words and it counts as a story!

LIFE SUCKS WHEN YOU'RE ME SMUSHED 

Anzu took one step outside and The Hand of God appeared in the sky.

"Oh wow!" She gasped.

SMUSH!

And The Hand of God returned to the clouds.

Kidea: I had to do I short chapter like this. My mate would make little paper people and colour them like Anzu and the pretend to be The Hand of God and smush them all while laughing like Bakura.


End file.
